A Time and Place For Everything

 

What guides you in your life?  Are you looking for friends?  Are you wanting that special someone that is "the one"? In our lives we have people that we call family, people that we call friends, and people that we say we love.  These relationships are not always solid and some are never forever. 

Think about family.  We have the family that we are born into.  Sometimes we are lucky to have people who truly love us. I always hear that children need to grow up with a mother and a father.  That is not always the case.  Some of us did just fine with one parent.  I was raised with love and support, and my mother was my biggest advocate.  Family can also be people that we meet, with no blood relation involved.

This brings us to friends.  So friends can be family, when you don't want the family you were born into.  I can say I got lucky and I have a great family through my mother and aunt.  But I also have other people that I would not get through my life without.  They may not be blood, but to me they are family.  They are my ride or die girls.  The problem with friends though, is sometimes they walk away.  My three girls are not the friends I had in school.  I had a friend that I met when I was 5 years old.  As we got older, we were always together.  In high school she started to branch off and do her own thing.  That was fine, I was too.  The problems came after high school. And now, she does not want me around the people in her life because they don't know the things she did.  I do know, so she keeps me at arm's length.

The third group was people that we love. Sometimes we love someone and they are nothing more than a friend, and that is ok.  You hear people talking about the "friend zone" but really that person is saying they feel like they can trust you.  Yes, you might have had feelings for them, but see you as a safe person.  That can hurt, but it can also be a compliment.  We don't get many safe people in our lives.  I think that in any relationship that could become a romantic one, you need to take your time.  So become that friend, be in that zone.  If it is meant to be, you will move from that zone into the position you want.  If it's not meant to be, remember they still consider you a safe place.

I think we take love for granted at times.  When we meet someone, we start building that connection.  Sometimes you get those massive sparks and you think this is it, the one, your forever.  And when those sparks die out and you have to face the realness of a relationship, that is when people start to look for that high again.  These people seem to think that they will find a forever that is always those sparks.  I can tell you that is not how forever works.  In the best relationships, you have the good and the bad. 

I personally love when you can have the good and the bad.  It lets you know if that person is really going to be there for you when things are not all rainbows and unicorns.  When life is shoveling shit on you, the person who is there to help uncover you is the real one.  Not just someone who makes you feel all giddy when you first meet them.  And if that person can still give you those butterflies in your stomach, that is a plus.  It's like sex, it's a perk, it's not what makes a relationship.  I want the real, I will always want the real.  I want to know that when my depression comes out or my anxiety is spiking, that someone will be there to hold my hand and get me pizza.

A girl and her thoughts

When you lay in bed, what do you think about? Do you go through what you did during the day? Do you go through your to-do list for the following day? Is it just laying there thinking about something from your past? Or are you thinking about ways that things could happen in the future? I'm asking these questions because when I cannot sleep I think about all of it.

I'm an overthinker. I'll start by thinking about what happened during the day that day. Then I'll start thinking about what I have to do the next day. Those thoughts tend to take up more time than any other. I will start worrying about all of the stuff that I haven't done that needs to be done. Especially if something is way past due. And I'm saying that because I have things that should have been done weeks ago that I still can't seem to make myself do.

So I suffer from ADHD. Some days it's not suffering so much I just learning to deal with what you got going on. And some days it is suffering. My executive dysfunction is very real and will keep you from doing things because I just can't make myself do them. There are boxes upon boxes in my house of things that I know I need to do, but what I look at them my brain just shuts down and I can't make myself to them.

So what do you do to help yourself in this situation? Do you make yourself to do less or do you find an app that works. I have tried everything. I've tried to break down my jobs into smaller jobs. I've tried to do fun things in between one job or another to keep myself engaged. I've been called lazy, a horrible housekeeper, and not good about following through with things I need to do. I will go weeks where I can do everything and I get everything done like I'm supposed to and then they'll be weeks where I can't get anything done. I'll tell myself I'm going to do this at this time. When the time rolls around I don't do it.

So this leads me to lay in bed at night thinking about the things that I should be doing that I can't seem to get done. That leads to insomnia. Which is what I'm currently dealing with on a regular basis. They're nice when I take my cold medicine for my sleeping pills depending on what day it is and I still can't sleep. I was sick for 2 weeks and taking meds that were supposed to help me sleep and yet I would stay awake. These are the same meds that months ago would put me to sleep. Insomnia is the one friend that I've had the longest that I wish I could break up with.